Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Greeting Card Ideas-
Tis the season for giving - Merry Christmas!
Congratulations on the new baby - Kids just melt my heart-
I just wanted to let you know... - You'll always have my heart, Happy Anniversary!
I finally got to the courage to ask... - Will you be mine? Happy Valentine's Day!
Braains... - Happy Halloween!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Alphonse "Owl" Capone: Gangster and "Modern Robin hood"
Born January 17, 1899(1899-01-17)
Best known for the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre
Lesser Known Facts
Capone was one of nine children. His father was a barber and his mother was a seamstress.
Alphonse "Al" or "Scarface"
James Capone "Richard Two-Gun Hart"
Raphael Capone "Bottles"
Salvador Capone "Frank"
Mafalda Capone (later Mrs. John J. Maritote)
He made various charitable endeavors using the money he made from his illicit activities.
He pulled the strings in the 1924 Chicago Mayer election, hiring thugs to harass voters at the poles.
He lost popularity with the public after he killed seven of his rival gang members in plain sight at the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre. No one was ever brought to trial for these murders.
Capone was imprisoned for tax evasion, not mobster activities.
Capone died of a heart attack at 42. He also had syphilis. At his death, he had the metal capability of a 12 year old child.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
Born in December of 1734
Best known for his "Midnight Ride" from Boston to Lexington
- Listen, my children, and you shall hear
- Of the midnight ride of Paul Revere!
Paul was a member of the Freemasons.
Paul was one of several people who alerted the colonial minutemen. The other main rider was named William Dawes. Paul arrived to talk to John Hancock and Samuel Adams 30 minutes before William, so I guess that's why he is more famous.
Most believe he shouted, "The British are coming!" When in all likely hood he actually said, "The (King's) Regulars are coming out!" And he probably whispered it because the whole thing was super secret.
No one really knew about Paul until 4o some years after he died when Henry Wadsworth Longfellow made him famous in the children's poem, "Paul Revere's Ride."
Paul lived to be 83 years old.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
The Zombie Treat: A Bedtime Story
Southern witches make small stitches
Above his ghastly grin.
Tweedle green and liver lean,
The threads across his chin.
“It will make a good mustache,”
Said one witch with certainty.
The second curled the ends with a laugh
And licked her lips with glee.
“He'll smile upon the little children.”
How many will we need, sister?
“No more than forty-three!”
To seal the deal, the zombie kissed her
His mind on the meals awaiting he.
The mustache man then wandered the land
As the witches told him to.
According to their clever plan,
He'd eat the bad kids, nasty or bland
Then give the witches their fat little hands
To make thicker their potions and brew.
He'll suck on their elbows,
And break both their thumbs!
He'll feed on the naughty, dim-witted, and dumb-
The selfish little kids who like to throw fits
Will find their blood in his beard
And in his stomach, their bits!
(With the exception of their hands,
But we've already covered this.)
And if he is quiet about his work
Disposing of the mess in the proper bins,
There'll be a nice tip and a candy bar
By the back door waiting for him.
You wonder how far he's come?
How many he's eaten to date?
Forty are gone, but there's room for three more
Bad little children who stay up too late.
So sleep well my precious loves,
And be quiet, gentle, and sweet.
Or by the back door I'll leave a nice tip
And a chocolate zombie treat.
Gorgon Get-togethers are a Gasp!
This is a drawing of a reunion of the gorgon sisters. Stheno and Euryale are immortal, but Medusa was killed by Perseus. What if Medusa was really immortal and her sisters later found her head after Perseus tossed it into the sea? This is how happy they would be.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Saturday, October 16, 2010
My Car (A country song to sing in the parking lot at the Walmarts. Hit single for the up and coming band, Herp Herp and the Derps.)
My car, my car
Oh where'd I park my car
Hope it's not too far.
Oh where'd I park my car?
Could be to the left
Could be to the right
Maybe on the moon
Loooong out of sight.
Behind that truck
Or under that van
If I have any luck
I might get a tan-
My car ooo ooo
Where is that darn car?
Where'd I park my car?
Did it vanish in the air,
Like Heromine's underwear?
Coulda climbed a tree
Or sunk deep into the sea.
Coulda gone to the gym
It was lookin' kinda thin.
Sure it might turn white
Cause it had a little fright.
Maybe it ran away
Like a needle in the hay.
If I had less pride
I'd ask a girl for a ride-
Ooo ooo to my car
Ooo ooo to my car
I bet it's really far
Oh so very far...
Well golly gee!
Look out, there she be.
There is my car
In plain sight to see.
Aww I feel so silly
To walk so very far,
When all along
Here was my car.
Ooo ooo found my car
Ooo here is my car!
Here it is
Right in front of me.
No more walking
No more mystery!
But hold a minute,
Now just where are my keys?
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Anthropomorphic allegories, artificial allusions, and other alliterative atrocities in alphabetical order
A: An arrogant acrobat administers an antidote inaccurately,
B: But a black-listed banshee babysits for a bargain.
C: A cultivated cannibal customarily uses cutlery,
D: While Desmond the dragon drinks Darjeeling with gin.
E : Elephants infamously enjoy Edwardian era entertainment
F: Forcing finicky fairies to follow feathery fashion.
G: A good-natured gorgon goes for a commitment,
H: Hence, harlequin hippos hands down have more fun.
I: Though curious, the incubus is inflicted with impotency
J: Just like the jolly Jabberwocky joins juice with jam.
K: Keeping the Kawa-zaru from katharsis is iffy-
L: Like letting a leprechaun loose in Japan.
M: Meanwhile, Merlin multiplies his magical mangoes
N: A maneuver envied by nine nautical nymphs,
O: Openly overseen by old ogre who knows
P: Pickled pygmies will probably persevere in a pinch.
Q: Quarrelsome quintuplets can be quarantined with confetti
R: Recognized by rebellious rabbits rallying for release.
S: Although a skinny satyr sorrowfully sniffs spaghetti,
T: The tyrannical troll continues to feast.
U: A unicorns' union remains unrecognized
V: And vaudevillians trade virtue for vulgar vengeance
W: While waring wolves in wigs wickedly westernize,
X: An extremest fox exaggerates inextricable defense.
Y: You all, yourselves, yawning youths,
Z: Snoozing zombies, passive progressives on the fence!
Does any of this made-up malarkey
Begin to blossom into bit of sense?